Rappers Explaining Sex: The Only Thing Worse Than Abstinence-Only Education - I spotted this at The Huffington Post yesterday. What you’ll find there is equal parts disgusting, clever, and absurd. If I had to pick the best of the absurd, Afroman wins.  

 

 

 

The only thing worse than those lyrics is the fact that Afroman was nominated for a Grammy in 2002. It was for another song, but still – we’re talking about Afroman.

 

I had intended to go in on how the Huffopo list was problematic because 1)  R. Kelly and Ne Yo aren’t rappers and 2) one could argue that it fuels the idea that ALL rappers are terrible lyricists, who force feed listeners violent images of women and sex, and that’s certainly not true – There are artists like Mos Def who can make a song titled “The Panties” and never mention the word pussy, or skeet. There are artists who don’t need to remind the listener they have a large penis and did a Chris Brown on their partners vagina, but those rhyme-slayers rarely get airplay or their just props, but y’all already know that, right?

 

So instead I wonder what are the consequences to a heavy dose of unsavory sexual lyrics? I certainly don’t want to get into a debate about what’s good sex or bad sex, but I think we can all agree that if a man wants to make nut come out your nose (c) Ying Yang Twins, it’s not going to be good, or safe.

 

Last year, Cindy Gallop’s Make Love Not Porn campaign sparked some interesting dialogue about porn versus sex in the real world.  Full disclosure: I want to be a combination of my mama, Meryl Streep, Ruby Dee, and Cindy Gallop when I grow up. I thought her TED Talk was brilliant.

 

This video might not be suitable for work…actually, don’t watch this at work. Your coworker will probably stop by to see what the stylish petite white lady has to say and get all discombobulated when she starts talking about young men wanting to, um, [rhymes with um] on her face. 

 

 

 

To spare you that awkward moment, Cindy Gallop basically says that hardcore pornography has become the most influential form of sexual education. Internet access and this country’s inability to have open and honest conversations about sex, among other things, has just about guarenteed your little brother and sister will learn more about sex from Cherokee da Ass and Wesley Pipes, instead of your mom or dad, or a teacher. That’s no slight against either of those artists (?) and please don’t ask me why I know they exist.  I do know Wesley is famous for performing something called the ”dick dog” and that doesn’t sound very comfortable.  Boy do I hope my family doesn’t read this blog today.

 

I don’t think it would be that far of a stretch to say some rap lyrics are as  influential on sex, as hardcore pornography.  Thank the high heavens BET would never air a Ying Yang video with visuals that match their lyrics word for word (okay, I’m like 97% sure BET would never air that type of video), but the beauty of hip-hop is that even without visual media a listener can still paint their own pictures. The listener doesn’t need Hype Williams to visualize a song like I Got A Story to Tell. 

 

Blame it on Afroman, but don’t try to tell me I’m the only one who thought about how many bottles of Hennessy Dolly Parton could fill up if her breasts were actually full of drank. If you didn’t before, you’re visualizing it now. My apologizes.

 

So much can be said, or unsaid, in one line and as a result, all kinds of images form, warranted or not. Just look at Jay Z and all of this talk about him worshipping the devil, or something like that.

 

I know kids don’t mimic every thing they hear or see,  but sex is just as natural as any other human activity. What if we initially learn about sex in the same manner we learn how to talk as toddlers – observing our surroundings and repeating what other people say, or, if we’re talking about sex, do?

 

If the only people willing to comfortably, and openly, talk about sex are rappers and porn stars there are going to be generations of people having terrible sex.  Just imagine if your son learns about sex from Kid Cudi. Your seed would be telling the girl next door to gargle on his mayo. (Yes, he says that in Mr. Solo Dolo).

 

That Cudi one-liner gave me a third reason that HuffPo link is problematic, or at the very least, half-assed. It doesn’t include a single line from this song:

 

 

 

How did this ever make it on the radio? And why do I know every word?

Tags: Hip-Hop, Rap, Rappers, Sex, Sex Education