Yes, that title is dramatic, but necessary. A while back I took issue with Rashid over his latest lackluster, 38-minute waste-of-hard drive album. I had a lot of good company in my dislike of it (Byron Crawford’s review hit the nail on the head), but I did hold out hope that Common might learn form his mistakes and the resulting shitty album sales. No such luck. I present to you, “I Poke Her Face:”

 

Kid Cudi ft Kanye & Common w/ scratches by A Trak- “I Poke Her Face”

 

First thing’s first, I won’t deny that the idea behind the song is smart. Lady Gaga’s Poker Face is number one right now on the Billboard Hot 100 because it’s catchy as hell. So why not sample the hook while it’s still hot and turn it into an ode to fellacious women ©Dave Chappelle? If David Banner can snatch catchy hooks while they’re still in rotation, then Lady Gaga’s song can surely get got too. And boy, did it get got. I Poke Her Face??  It sounds lightweight painful– what if he pokes his love her in the eye like Bootsy, Baby? That’s not my idea of a good time. Nevertheless, the play on words is clever.

 

I can accept Kid Cudi and Kanye using their heads to talk about well, head, but with Common it rings hollow. His verse:

 

She said she wants whatever she like

but you gotta bring yo friend

and we can have one hell of a night, through the day

she blamed it on the al-al–al–al-al-alcohol

she had her hair did, it was bound to fall

down down for it, damn Cudi already said it

her poker Facebook I already read it

but man, her head was better than the music

electro body known to blow fuses

a stripper from the south, lookin for a pay day

said bitch you should do it for the love like Ray J

but they say, you be on that conscious tip

get your head right and get up on this conscious dick

I embody everything from the ghali to the party

it’s the way I was raised on the Southside safari

 

I actually think Common went in the hardest on the song as far as sticking to the theme goes (Ye wins for wordplay, por supuesto). Ye was his typical infectious mix of sexual innuendo and materialistic asides while Cudi only directly discussed head once. Common referenced strippers, called a girl a bitch AND snuck in a “For the Love of Ray-J” mention. Get up on this conscious dick?? Ding ding ding!! He wins the Sleaziest Verse Award, hands down. But it still reminded me of Jeezy rapping on a love song– sumthin just ain’t right.

 

Why does he have to try so hard to be “cool” now? Is it because Barack Obama is the president? Does he think there’s no longer a need for substance? Maybe. But I think he’s just a 37-year-old rapper trying to keep up with the youngsters (37 ain’t old in real life, but rap years are kinda like dog years). He’s got all the tell-tale signs; he’s showing off his oh so sexy physique more and more, he’s sporting a hot young thang 10 years his junior, and he seems determined to half-ass or shy away from songs about everyday social issues. 

 

Bottom line, Common continues to be too fucking hypocritical for me these days. And he’s rubbing my face in it with those two last lines. He hasn’t tried to “embody everything” for the last 17 years, in fact, he’s spent a good amount of time shitting on rappers who try to do too much. And if you have to defend what you’re rapping about in your rap then odds are you won’t be taken seriously rapping about it. So Common, stop already. Just go buy a red Corvette like every other man who’s trying to deny the fact that he’s getting older.

 

Sidenote:  I’ve mentioned before how hip hop makes me feel like I have multiple personalities — the one that focuses on everything besides the myriad ways these fuckwad rappers disrespect women, and then the other personality who thinks I’m an idiot for harboring a love for a genre that is prefectly fine with discussing my kind in the most derogatory ways possible. One day a side of me will win — my ears (and ipod) hope it’s the former but my heart is gravitating toward the latter. Bluegrass, anyone? ;-p

 

Earlier: I Used to Love Him: How Common’s New Album Broke a Piece of My Heart

Tags: Common, David Banner, I Poke Her Face, Kanye West, Kid Cudi, Lady Gaga, Mid Life Crisis, Universal Mind Control