Word to our “drafts” section, I was gonna post TLC’s ”Baby, Baby, Baby” as the Proper Song today (it had been in my head since Sunday), but then the impishly evil Shad Moss (aka Bow Wow) released a video that took all the fun out of my trip down memory lane. This shit is borderline blasphemous:

 

 

 

That’s right, dear friends. Lil Bow Wow done stole my Proper Song of the Day and kilt it. Pour out some liquor. I had no intention of ever even seeing his video, let alone hear this song, but as I twittered my life away last night it randomly came on MTV Jams. They had the nerve to crown it the Jam of the Week (a title that clearly means nothing). This ass-tastic song has single-handedly allowed me to understand the pain my father feels when he hears all his 70’s soul classics all high-pitched and Kanye’d out. I felt defiled.

 

I know, I know, sampling ain’t new; plenty of classics have been bastardized by shitty rapers banking on the rythm’s familiarity, but “Baby, Baby, Baby” was my song! “Ooooooohhh… on the TLC Tip” was part of the first group of CDs my sister and I ever begged my mom to buy us (yes, we shared CD’s, and everything else), but before the album dropped we had the single on cassette. And damnit if we didn’t we let that tape rock till that tape popped! It was eaten up by our little casio boombox a good 4 or 5 times, but each time we just wound the tape back in and played it again.

 

 

 

“Baby, Baby, Baby” was actually the basis of the TLC-stanning girl group my sister and I made with the help of our cousin. CLA — Candice (my sister), Latonia (cousin) and me– used to rock all the family functions in our Cross Colors, bright socks and matching scrunchies. Sometimes we would even perform on roller skates, we were that fly. Sure, we couldn’t sing, but we had energy. We would choreograph dances and sing a combination of TLC songs and random songs from Saved By the Bell (”I’m so excited!”) whenever the family was gathered. We were like Beyonce and ‘em at a young age minus the actual singing ability and the Daddy Knowles pushin us to shake our money makers for fame.

 

I was, of course, the unofficial Chilli of the group, my baby hair  at the time making me a shoe-in (I’ve since gotten it under control). So ”Baby, Baby, Baby” was my time to shine– Chilli had that solo at the end and I’d watched the video so many times at Latonia’s house (we didn’t have cable) that I had her mannerisms and sexy side glanecs down pat. For the past 17 years every time the song has come on I’ve instantly gotten into character, if only for Chilli’s breakdown at the end, and sang like it was 1992 all over again.

 

Little Bow Wow is trying to kill my joy with his new song, and for this I despise him. The worst part is that he kept Chilli’s breakdown at the end intact, but switched it around to a trfilin dude’s perscpective. The audacity of it all. I can only hope that this song doesn’t get traction on the radio and he’s forced to crawl back into his sad little non-authentic shoe-collecting hole.

 

Other recent offenders:

 

Charles Hamilton- Brooklyn Girls (Shorty Swing My Way was my shit in junor high! And the random Polow tha Don cameo? Classic.)

 

Plies- “Want it, Need it“ (The Deele, 2 Occaisons– I was 3 when this song came out, but you already know Pops played this ish out.)

 

Plies (yes, dude’s a repeat offender)- “Bust It Baby“ (Come Back to Me, songs from Rythm Nation need not be touched by anyone. It’s that simple.)

 

There’s a long list of songs that I pray will be left the eff alone (it includes any song by JoDeCi). If you have any you want to declare off limits, feel free to do so now.

Tags: Baby Baby Baby, Jodeci, Lil Bow Wow, Ooooooh...on the TLC Tip, Proper Song of the Day, Saved By the Bell, TLC, You Gan Get It All