Since the press has made Jesse Jackson Jr out himself as a snitch, and they’re probably not  going to get a juicy Obama connection either, I think it’s time to examine the real second player in the Blago scandal, Mrs. Patricia Blagojevich. Patti B was alledgedly just as down with the hilariously harebrained, “Let’s Post Obama’s Senate Seat on Ebay” scheme as her husband, and may have had an active hand in trying to barter the seat for a god job for herself. She’s also got one helluva potty mouth:

 

“Hold up that f—ing Cubs s—. F— them,” she allegedly said as her husband, Democratic Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich, bandied about a scheme to withhold state funds from the Cubs’ parent Tribune Company unless the owner agreed to fire certain Chicago Tribune employees. [CNN]

 

See, this is why I’ve never been a fan of the whole “down ass chick” role. Someone, somewhere convinced women that they had to not only stand by their man, but that they should go half on all their man’s shenanigans as well. This “down ass chick” memo transcended race, class and cultures to permeate the minds of various women throughout history. In honor of Patti B and the crumbling House that Blago Built, I thought we’d take a quick look of some stand-out down ass chicks and examine how that whole “ride or die” thing worked out for them:

 

 

Christine Beatty, of Kwame Kilpatrick fame:

How she was down: Homegirl was in deep. Beatty and ex-Detroit mayor Kilpatrick not only texted back and forth about their adulterous affair on company pagers, but according to the messages, Beatty really thought Kwame was gonna kick out his wife and move her into his home. Girl, please. She conspired with the Kwamster to fire whistle-blowing police officers who knew about their relationship and lied under oath when questioned about it.

 

Is She Still Down?: Lying under oath is a big fat felony, so she will be heading to the pokey come January to serve the same 120 days that her former boo is serving now. It really is so cold in the D (had to do it).

 

Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown 

How she was down: We don’t know who got who hooked on drugs, but Whitney was down for her man. So down that she actually agreed to name their child Bobby Christina and said Bobby was the king of R&B on television with a straight face. The prosecution rests.

 

Is she still down?: No…but she’s been keeping some company that’s equally strange.

 

 

Juanita Bynum and Bishop Thomas Weeks 

How she was down: Weeks, an Atlanta-based pastor, tried to stomp out  Bynum, a televangelist, in a parking lot during what was supposed to be a reconciliation meeting. After her bruises healed Bynum reportedly still had love for Weeks and begged the judge to have mercy on him for whooping her ass.

 

Is she still down?: No, she finally snapped out of it and divorced Weeks. But being ride or die seems to have worked in Bynum’s favor. She’s still doing her televangelist thing, but she’s also appeared in “Mama I Wanna Sing” and the ABC family sitcom “LincolnHeights.”

 

  

Lauryn Hill and Rohan Marley

How she was down: The story of the fall of L Boogie hurts my heart the most, it really does. Lauryn met Marley in the late 90’s and started dating him despite the fact that he was married and had two kids with someone else. Marley must have been working with something fierce because Lauryn had FIVE of his babies, started wearing way too much blush and rocking a cat lady wordrobe.

 

Is she still down?: It would seem so. She and Rohan are still making unnamed babies like it’s going out of style. I had the pleasure of seeing the Fugees perform live during their short-lived reunion in 2005 and while the show was great, Lauryn seemed like she’d rather be anywhere else but up on the stage. I’m still crossing my fingers for a turnaround.

 

Hillary and Bill Clinton

How she was down: You already know.

 

Is she still down: Hillary may be the downest chick to have captured the public eye since the real Bonnie did her thug thizzle during the Great Despression. She may not have won the race but she’s about to be up in the White House yet again and traveling the world on your taxpayer dime.

 

[Thus ends my historical perspective.]

 

This isn’t to say I won’t stand by my man in a reasonable circumstance, but I learned back in high school that there’s nothing glamorous about writing letters to some random dude in juvie (I had a thug phase, so sue me). Help him study for the GMAT? Sure. Hold his weed or hide his gun at my momma’s house? Hell-to-the-no. Sure Ashanti, Charlie B and Vita made being down look real fly, but in reality trying to be the Bonnie to somebody’s Clyde isn’t all it’s cracked up to be (unless your Clyde is the president, of course). Now here’s a treat for your musical enjoyment, courtesy of Murder Inc.

 

Tags: Add new tag, Ashanti, Bill Clinton, Bobby Brown, Charlie Baltimore, Christine Beatty, Down Ass Chick, Hillary Clinton, Ja Rule, Jaunita Bynum, Kwame Kilpatrick, Lauryn Hill, Patti Blagojevich, Rod Blagojevich, Rohan Marley, Thomas Weeks, Vita, Whitney Houston